


Just Hold Me a Little Longer, Before it Fades Away

by commanderclarke



Category: The 100 (TV Show)
Genre: Clarke Griffin - Freeform, Emori (The 100) - Freeform, F/M, Friendship, John Murphy (The 100) - Freeform, Quick drabble, friends - Freeform, madi griffin - Freeform, murphy is a softie, they just want to be hugged
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:47:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25806838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commanderclarke/pseuds/commanderclarke
Summary: That thought saddened him, and with the more it rolled over in his brain, the more he realized he had never hugged Clarke.He never hugged Clarke.He hated that.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/John Murphy
Kudos: 74





	Just Hold Me a Little Longer, Before it Fades Away

**Author's Note:**

> this is just something quick i wrote cause we deserve a clurphy hug and if they don’t hug before the end of the season i will be angry. anyways this piece is kind of a mess and all over the place but i hope you all a enjoy <3

Nakara was draining. Bardo was draining. Everything that had happened had wiped any ounce of energy Clarke had left. She was ready to sleep for a 100 years (again). But she knew that she couldn’t. They still needed to catch up with the others in Sanctum, and from what she had already heard, sleep would have to wait. 

Nothing was how she had left it. Sheidheda had supposedly taken over Russell, and later taken over Sanctum, killing people who got in his way. Threatening her family all while she was on another planet. She left to save her missing friends only to have the rest of them put in danger. 

Clarke had never wished to have been in two places at once more than when she found out what had gone on and the horror story of finding half of Sanctums people sprawled across the floor, their blood decorating every inch of the room. 

  
She was sick to her stomach just thinking about it, but the feeling only worsened when she heard that Madi was there. When she heard about the things that Madi saw and heard. She wasn’t there for Madi when she needed her the most. And Clarke hated herself for that, even if her friends were safe and back home, her daughter always came first.

“And also, we haven’t cleaned up the dining hall,” Jackson continued, listing everything they had and hadn’t done since Sheidheda was gone, “I mean the bodies. We tried to get most of the blood.”  
  


Clarke only nodded, not sure how to take everything. There was so much more to still do, as always, and the more Jackson tacked onto her growing list of things to fix the more she wanted to lie down and rip her hair out. But they needed her. So not just yet. Just a little more time.

“Okay, I’ll figure that out. Have you talked to the families? Since everything has calmed down?” Clarke asked. Jackson sighed, picking up some of the clutter that was thrown around the bar.

“Not yet. No one really had any time to think or, well...grieve.” _Now you know how it feels,_ Clarke thinks bitterly but quickly pushes that thought aside. 

Jackson reached for a broom and dustpan, “I can talk to them today, ask what they would like us to do with those who died.”

With a curt nod, Clarke left for the palace. Her head full like most days, the inevitable feeling of death and sorrow settling into her bones. Sanctum wasn’t the most pleasant place to be, the horrors of the primes and what they did still haunting her.

Everything that happened over the course of only a few weeks replayed in her head like a broken record.

She had been strong for so long that she wasn’t sure how she still stood, how she still walked and held her head up high. She wondered how her friends saw her, if they saw through the facade she put on everyday. She wondered if they saw the stress that became one with her. 

Then she remembered they hadn’t. Because if they had, they would say something, right? They cared about her enough. 

She hoped they did.

Even if they didn’t, they were her people. She would never give up on them. Especially Madi. She was all she had left.

“I don’t know, just...put them over there I guess. God, I’m terrible at this.” Clarke wandered through the doors, her eyes scanning the mess of the room. Jackson had said they got most of the blood off, yet it still looked like a blood bath.

She didn’t want to know what it looked like before.

“No, no! Leave the children, they can-they can stay. I’ll find a place for them until we bury them with their families.” Murphy was ordering around some of Wonkrus men who were moving some of the bodies, others already scrubbing away at the blood.

She hadn’t asked any of them to do so. She hadn’t ordered anyone.

Murphy had.

“Wow, this is an interesting sight to see,” Clarke chuckled, catching Murphy off guard for a moment. He sank into himself, eyes darting away from her immediately. Frankly, he was a little embarrassed that she had saw him like that. He was never a leader. Ever. Not until he had to step up.

“I, uh-it’s not what you-“ Clarke gave her best smile, consciously knowing how weak it was, “it’s not a bad thing, Murphy. Emori told me what you did here, what you did for these people. You did good.”

Murphy tried to hide the smile that crept up onto his lips, not wanting to ruin his reputation. Though, he felt he could break a part of that shield and reputation for Clarke. Just for a second.

The men around them never stopped as the two stood in the middle of the room, taking a few seconds to just think, to be in each other’s presence since it had felt like an eternity since they last seen the other.

There was a lot to talk about. Not just since Clarke had left, but since they landed on Sanctum, and Murphy knew that. He wanted to say so much to her, about all of it, though when he opened his mouth, the words died on his lips. The aching in his chest turning into doubt and even guilt.

Clarke pretended not to notice the look on his face, for his sake, and began to speak. “Gaia said she’d take care of Madi, but...that didn’t happen. Was she okay? Madi, I mean. Jackson would have taken care of her, I know, but it’s Madi so I-“

“She was fine,” Murphy interrupted, stopping her from rambling on, “we all took care of her, don’t worry. I wouldn’t have let anything happen.” 

Clarke stared at the ground, gulping down her thoughts. “Good, good-that’s good. Thank you.”

Murphy watched Clarke carefully, her gaze everywhere but on him as her hands clenched onto the sleeves of her jacket.

Indra tried making Madi the commander. He knew that Clarke didn’t want Madi to deal with any of that again, so he debated telling her. She deserved to know.

He also knew that Indra meant well. Maybe the execution of the situation was wrong. But she thought it was their only choice to stop Sheidheda. It wasn’t, but it seemed logical at the time.

But then the look of Madi, so small and fragile, standing behind Indra. How the fear was so obviously there, and though she tried to be brave, he saw right through it, because he had been there so many times himself.

Trying to be brave when in reality he wanted to break down, wanted to cry and give up. He didn’t, but those times were so vividly stuck in his brain he couldn’t forget them.

Then he remembered the panic attacks. And the way she threw herself into his arms, shaking with how terrified she was. And then the hyperventilating came on, breathing becoming seemingly impossible.

He had to tell Clarke.

“There is one thing...” Murphy started, hesitantly stepping towards Clarke, “Madi had a few panic attacks, Indra tried getting her to be commander again, I didn’t let her but the panic attack kind of already happened. Jackson talked to her about it. Then when Sheidheda had found her-“

Murphy paused, Clarkes silence speaking volumes.

She had stilled, mind racing. Madi had a panic attack. Panic _attacks_. And she wasn’t there, she wasn’t there to help her, to talk her through it and calm her down. She couldn’t be there for her daughter, so she had to deal with it alone. Just like she did so many times.

“Clarke,” Murphy said slowly, reaching out to grab her arm. She immediately snapped out of it, the thought still in the back of her head but pushed aside until she could go back to it another time.

She went to turn away, Murphy only assumed to go look for Madi, but was pulled back by him. His grip stronger than she thought he was capable of (if she were being honest) and his eyes were soft as he stared down at her.

“She’s okay. She was a little freaked out, but I stayed with her until she was better.”

“You did?” Clarke wasn’t sure why she was shocked. It was Madi, a child. But maybe it was just that. Murphy wasn’t someone she expected to be so fond of kids, or enough to look after them.

“Yeah,” Murphy replied, giving her a reassuring smile and hoping that the gesture alone was enough to tell her he cared. About both of them. Even if he would never admit it, they were like his family. He loved them.

And when Clarke looked up at him, both a look of uncertainty and hesitation in her blue eyes, he felt his heart pound just a beat faster. He wasn’t sure what exactly the look was, or why she was looking at him like that.

It reminded him of his mother, before her father died.

And that made him feel good inside.

But it didn’t stop there because she had pulled his hand away from her (which he had totally forgotten was there) and threw herself into him, her arms wrapping around his neck. He stumbled a bit before steadying his footing.

He wasn’t sure how to react at first but when he noticed Clarke starting to pull back from the lack of hugging on his end, he tugged her back in and shoved his face into the crook of her neck. Desperately trying not to cry.

Because if he were being honest, he yearned for the touch of anyone. He had Emori, sure, but he couldn’t remember the last time a _friend_ had hugged him. That thought saddened him, and with the more it rolled over in his brain, the more he realized he had never hugged Clarke.

  
He _never_ hugged Clarke.   
  


He hated that.   
  


He hated it because after everything she did for them, he never hugged her once. He couldn’t even remember thanking her. 

So he took that moment to just stand there, with them closer then they had ever been, and with their arms clutching to the other like they would disappear. Like they were the only two people in that room.  
  


And he knew it wasn’t like hugging Emori. Because he cared and loved Clarke, just in a different away than Emori. He recognized that difference. 

  
Hugging her was like finally seeing your family after so long. And really? That’s what it was.   
  


Clarke was his family, and they understood that without having to say a single thing. They didn’t need to. It wasn’t just about Madi, or what Murphy did for her. It was for everything they had ever done or said to the other.

All the way back to the dropship days. When he was banished, or when he was hung, or when Clarke left their other friends to save Madi. For the Josephine stuff.

No words were needed because everything they needed to say lied in that single hug, it was full of silent apologies and the forgiveness they both needed.

Neither wanted to let go, so Clarke gave herself a little bit more time before leaning back, sniffling as she wiped a single tear away. Murphy’s hands slowly fell away from her back, landing back down at his sides.

“Thanks.” Clarke felt a little embarrassed at the suddenness of her actions, but Murphy just kept smiling, not saying anything, just looking at her with a grin.

She felt what he had with that look. It reminding her of home; warm and familiar. It was such a simple, yet specific look, with the way his lips curled and the light reflected off his own eyes.

Neither of them could put it into words how it made them feel, all they knew was that they never wanted to let it go. They wanted to hold onto it forever and ever.

Because it was that look they lost so long ago, one they had both been given by the people they loved dearly. And now that they had it again they feared losing it.

When Clarke had finally left, Murphy kept standing there, smiling to himself. He may have looked like an idiot, but he was okay with that.  
  


He was okay with all of it as long as him and his friends would be okay. All of them. Clarke too.


End file.
